Our St. Paddy's Day Party

On Saturday, twelve families who traveled with us to China, came to our house for a one-month reunion/St. Patrick's Day Party. We had cold pizza, amazing desserts, not enough floor space, and a great time. We consider ourselves to be very fortunate to have met these people, and their new children. 'Family' is created by both genetics and by choice. Our chosen daughter Maya is now a card-carrying member of our 'family'. These twenty-four (and more) new friends are also beginning to feel like 'family' and for that, we are very grateful.

As for the sleep issue, we're both getting 1 - 2 hours of actual sleep each night. It won't last forever, but it's still rough. Maya is an amazing little girl who has a very sunny disposition, during the daylight hours. At night, we begin to see a less rosy side- we see a child who is still grieving- a child who knows that sleep is not a safe choice for her to make. Most infants are abandoned when they are asleep - when they wake up their lives have changed - forever. We were told to think of their experience as being similar to an 'alien abduction'. Perhaps the analogy is more accurate than we would like to believe. We're not certain that Maya remembers her experiences in China. She can recognize her own image in a picture, and she laughs when she sees her reflection in the mirror. We are certain that she would be able to recognize her foster mother, so we will not show her the photograph of Xu Xiang Feng for a long time.

I used to believe that infants were malleable, resiliant little beings. Feed them, love them, and all will be wonderful. To some degree, I was right, but I underestimated their ability to internalize their world and their experiences of it. Maya is only a year old, she cannot speak (at least not in a language which Paul and I would understand). I am however certain that she has a 'memory' of her experiences in China, although perhaps it could best be described as a visceral one.Perhaps that explains why she grieves, not cries, but grieves when her defenses are down. We're not alone in this experience. These other twelve families have had, or will have similar stories to tell. We know it won't last 'forever', but a few months, or a few years can feel like 'forever' for the families going through this process. Yet another reason why we will continue to 'reunite' with these new friends, these new family members, on a regular basis.